[Joke] single

[eisefr]

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where
she selected a quart of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a
quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2
lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to
check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she
placed the items in front of the cashier.

He said, "You must be single." The woman, a bit
startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition,
looked at her six items on the belt. Seeing nothing
particularly unusual about her selections she said,

"Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But
how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied,

"'Cause you're ugly

[fid509]

A guy is driving around in his Porsche in the countryside.

Stops outside a field full of sheep, walks up to the shepherd and says "I've got an offer. I'll guess how many sheep you've got in this field, and if I guess right, I get to take a sheep with me, and if I guess wrong, you get my car." Shepherd thinks he's on to a sure thing and agrees. "137" says the driver. "Damn me, you're right.", says the shepherd and dutifully hands over a sheep. Man walks away, stuffs sheep in car, and is about to drive away when the shepherd knocks on his window. "I've got a proposal for you. If I can guess what you do for a living, I get to take your car. If I'm wrong, you can have all my sheep." "Done", says the driver, counting up the number of nights he could be kept happy with 137 sheep. "You're a consultant.", says the shepherd. "Bloody hell, how did you guess?" "Easy. You come in here uninvited, you tell me what I already know, and then you charge me for it. Now give me back my sheep-dog."